Lessons Learned In State Custody

I quit one of my three part-time jobs last week. And brotha, it felt wonderful.

I've made a lot of jokes over the last 14 months about how my state job was state prison, how my cube was a jail cell, how I was hoping for parole or early release, that I was going over the wall...you name it, I've joked about it. And it wasn't a fun place. But the reality is, God had me there for a reason. I knew it from the beginning, and I never doubted His sovereign hand.

One day several months ago, I jotted down on a couple of yellow sticky notes some of the things that God was teaching me there. Tonight I made a half-hearted stab at cleaning out the bug (which again looks like it is the mobile home for a homeless person), and I found this short list. It's fairly random, and doesn't hang together well, but it's a part of my journey.

My list is certainly not all-inclusive; my goodness in that incubator God taught me so much it makes my head spin to think about. I've got PILES of lists and sticky notes and stuff I've written down during that experience. Whew! Like my pastor is fond of saying, many days it was like drinking water from a fire hydrant. But let me throw down this one stone of remembrance now, lest I forget what God taught me.

1. To hear from God, I needed to quiet the noise of my life.
   Yes, I've been working a ton to hold down three jobs, but my mind has been free to focus on God, especially in the state job. God SPEAKS, kids, and if we'll get quiet enough, we'll hear Him. I guarantee it.
   
   
2. I learned to love and pray for those who persecute me.
   My boss was a bully, and he persecuted me regularly. It took about a month for the shock to wear off and for me to start praying for him, and longer still for me to love him. But I got there.
    
3. I learned to trust God to be my defender.
   That one took a minute. I was treated unjustly by said bully quite a bit, and I wanted to spring to my defense. But God made it clear that I was to keep still. He even reminded me of a scripture my friend Cindy shared with me some time ago, "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to remain still." (Exodus 14:14)
    
4. I learned to believe what God says about me, not what someone else says.
   That one has been ongoing for a while - it started when I was able to attend a few sessions of Beth Moore's Believing God study.  Same boss; didn't say nice things. I'm not who he said I was. I made huge progress.
    
5. I learned to rely on God instead of myself.
   This one really was slow in being revealed and harder for me to wrap my head around. Self-reliance is something we revere in this country, especially in the south. Our culture puts a lot of value on self-reliance. Self-reliance had become a huge idol for me. I had whole areas of my life that I had closed off to God. "I got this." Not now. No way. I am becoming completely God-reliant.
    
6. I learned how to wait, and I understand now who I am waiting on. I am waiting on the LORD.
    
7. My joy and my strength comes from the LORD.
   Sunday School 101, I know. But I wasn't walking that out. I was looking to others and to my circumstances for joy and strength and more. When my life fell apart, and all I had was the LORD, I realized He is all I need.
    
8. God really does work out the fruits of the spirit in us. We can't gut them out in our own strength.
   Again, 101 stuff, but I finally get that. If you know me at all, you know I have the patience of a two-year old. But as I wait, through the power of God's Holy Spirit, I am at rest. I am patient. I have had joy in the absolute hardest time of my life. I am at peace when my life has been turned upside down. And I believe I am slowly but surely learning to love God's people well.

Random Thoughts From This Week...

• I definitely have become that crazy cat lady.
• When the pressure is on, deadlines start rolling by, and the blame game begins, finger-pointing adults engage in the most amazing rendition of the school yard "Not it!"
• God, in His sovereignty, positions people in your life to be there right when you need them the most. Thank you, Cindy Carter, for being one of those people. And happy birthday!
• Sweet potato fries are still amazing.
• Every thirsty deer in the Goodlettsville area is apparently stopping by to drink water out of the big tote in my back yard.
• God has not only swelled my heart like the Grinch's to grow my love for people, He is making a hugger out of me.
• I LOVE it when the good guy wins.
• Lastly, while getting yourself locked out of someone's house in your pajamas is a really, REALLY, bad thing, it has the potential to become a truly legendary story.

Things I Said I'd Never Do

I'm prone to both hyperbole and all or nothing thinking, neither of which I'd recommend.  I end up eating my words, a LOT.  And if I sat down and started listing my "never gonnas," oh my.  The list would be long.

Here's a very short list of some things off the top of my head JUST RELATED TO TECHNOLOGY that I've said I'd never do:


I'll never...

• Have an answering machine.  Why would I need one?
  
• Get caller id.  Remember you used to have to buy that little display thingy that hooked to your phone or buy an expensive phone with a display?  Why would I screen calls? Ha.
  
• Replace my tape deck with a CD player and buy a single CD.  Even though I had already disposed of my turntable and 8-track player, I was apparently going to draw THAT line in the sand.
  
• Own a cell phone, except possibly for emergencies only.  Yeah, that statement makes total sense now.  All I HAVE is a cell phone.
  
• Text, except to my daughter because she seems to be able to communicate better with me that way.  Right.  I probably send as many texts as your teenager.
  
• Own a cell phone with a camera.  Take pictures with a cell phone?  Never.  Are you kidding me? Love cell phone cameras.

Here's a good one.  I'm never...

• Going to tweet.  Ha!  I am amazed that I have any followers left at all that haven't dropped me for tweeting too much.
• Going to blog.  I have nothing to say worth hearing.  Well, that may be true, but I'm saying it anyway.
  

Here's one I said recently, quietly, and told no one, even when they told me differently.  It isn't related to technology.  It's related to letting people love me.  I struggle mightily with that.  Do you?

"I'm never going to let anyone come over and help me put stuff back in order in the part of my home that was flooded."  A dear friend in my small group said it to me months and months ago and I just smiled knowing full well I wasn't going to let that happen.  Right now I'm working three jobs and I don't have time, but eventually I'll have some discretionary time in my life and I'll do it.  Myself.  All by myself.  By myself.

Well kids, my small group is coming. TODAY.

We've all got our past "nevers."  It can be funny looking back.  But when it comes to down to life and relationships and where God might be leading you, be careful saying never.  You might be saying no to God.  God always has a plan.  His ways are not our ways.  And you better believe, His ways are better.

My Favorite Cinderella Story

Bet you think this a hoops blog, don't you. Yes, there were some pretty awesome Cinderella stories in the just-ended NCAA basketball tourney, but this ain't one of them.

ONE of my favorite Cinderella stories is Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella starring Lesley Ann Warren. It was almost before my time (1965), but because of an older sister, I learned the words to most every song. Ask me and I'll sing them for you, won't I, Cindy Carter.

Side note...I looked this particular Cinderella up on IMDB to see if there were any stars I didn't remember, but nope. I loved it mostly because my sister loved it.  And more importantly, a week from Friday, my big sis is taking me to the Schermerhorn to see this very musical, presented by Show Hope. Mary Beth and Steven Curtis Chapman and Show Hope are doing incredible work in the area of adoption. If you are interested in attending the event, you can read more about that exciting evening here.  And my beloved sister Terri, if  you are reading this, I am fired up about going!!

But. Still not my favorite Cinderella story.

Jeff Lemmonds, I know you're hoping for a Disney connection, but nope. Not so much. Love Disney and love Disney's Cinderella, and wish I were standing next to her amazing castle right this minute, but still not my favorite Cinderella.

I've even felt like my own life has sort of been a Cinderella story lately. But...nope. Not my favorite.

I LOVE my southern heritage. And being born and raised in Nashville, I fully embrace my redneck roots. In that redneck tradition, growing up I religiously watched Hee Haw. Okay those of you close to my age may be starting to smile now.  You're remembering. I know David Landrith knows where I'm going with this.

Old people like me, watch it.  You've forgotten how funny it is, I promise.  Young folks, it's old school, but you may pee your pants laughing. Forgive the quality...it's the only one I could find "really quick."

THIS is my favorite Cinderella story...

The Hardest Year of My Life

This week, beginning with my birthday last Sunday, bookends what has absolutely been the hardest year of my life.  (I wanted to use the word unequivocally instead of absolutely, but I can’t even pronounce it).  But on the hardest year stuff…believe me, with all the ridiculous decisions I made as a young adult, there is some stiff competition for that title.  Trust me.  I’ve had other rough years.  This one tops them all.  The bad news just kept coming.  The details don’t matter – you’ve been through tough times of your own.  You know what I’m talking about.  Life.  Was.  Hard.  Many of you have been used by God to help carry me through, and I can never thank you enough.

But let’s get back to my premise and title:  The Hardest Year of My Life.  Note I said the hardest year, not the worst year.  In fact, as I reflect back on this year and all God has done in my life, I can say without hesitation, this has been the best year of my life.

How crazy is that?  How does that even make sense?

God.  Only God.  How like God to turn conventional wisdom on its ear and turn what could have been my darkest hour into something beautiful.  His Word promises that; why am I so surprised that He has shown me His Word is true? 

Let me chase a rabbit for a minute.  The crash in my life had been building for a while, but the beginning of the worst of it started this time last year, on my birthday weekend.  Birthdays…I don’t like ‘em.  Birthdays have never meant a lot to me, even as a kid.  Gifts rank zero on my love language scale.  I don’t like the attention; even now, as old as I am, being sung to over a cake is hard because everyone is staring at me.  As a child they were just another opportunity for me to be nervous and awkward at my own party.

A few years ago, I gained a new outlook for birthdays. Christian author and speaker Angela Thomas came to my church, Long Hollow Baptist, and spoke at our women’s event.  One takeaway that I had from that weekend was a new and fresh way to look at birthdays.  Angela challenged us to take that one day a year to reflect back on the previous 365 days and ask ourselves a question:  Do I look more like Jesus today than I did a year ago?

Well kids, I’ve been asking myself that question ever since.  Thankfully, every year I’ve been able to say, yes, I do look more like Jesus.  Sometimes big steps; sometimes incremental.  And while forward motion is always good, I have really craved some bigger movements toward God.  Some growth spurts, so to speak.

This past Sunday, when I asked myself the question, “Do I look more like Jesus than I did a year ago,” I smiled.  I beamed.  Yes.  I do.  This year, I made a quantum leap toward God. (Elizabeth I used the term quantum leap just for you).

This year I have been completely overwhelmed by the heart of God.  The depth and breadth of His love takes my breath away.  His mercy and grace have sustained me, provided all that I needed.  He has carried me, loved me, healed my heart, directed my paths, and oh so much more.  A year ago, I was unraveling, coming apart at the seams.  Since that time, God has restored my very life.  He has led me by quiet waters.  He sings songs over me.  He has breathed life back into me.  He has truly been the lover of my soul.  And ultimately, God has beckoned me onward. 

So.  Those two thoughts.  Best yet hardest year of my life and I’m walking closer with God than ever before.   Let’s go to God’s Word.

God has walked me through a TON of scripture this year, but this one has probably resonated with me the most, especially in recent months.

1 Peter 4:13  ~  But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed.

When we are able to keep our eyes on God, fully relying on His grace and mercy, continuing to rejoice in Him, even in the midst of hard times, God’s glory is revealed in us.  Isn’t that crazy good?  Even during the hardest year of my life, I know that I know that I know that God is not only healing me, lifting me up, loving me, providing for me, and so much more… He is also using me to advance the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  And THAT, my friends, is the source of my inexplicable joy.  THAT is the reason why this has been the best year of my life.

I don’t want my life to be about me ever, ever again.  Francis Chan put it this way:  “The point of my life is to point to God.”

I know; land the plane.  Here’s the takeaway.

How about you?  You are either going through something really hard now or you can bet something will come along soon.  I hate it, but it’s a fact.  We live in a fallen world; that’s just the way it is, kids.  The good news is that we don’t have to go through it alone, and if we surrender to Him, God will use it for His glory.

What are you going to do in your suffering?  I’m not making light of pain.  My pain is awful and I’m sure yours is too!  But what you do with it is up to you.  Are going to let God use the pain to draw you closer to Him?  Because ultimately, in addition to all He will do to heal you and redeem your life, God didn’t cause your pain, but He wants to use it to draw you and others closer to Him.

When you suffer well, trusting, focusing, and waiting on God, He not only heals your hurts, He uses it to point a lost and dying world to Himself, our healer, redeemer, our LORD.  I’m not talking about some stoic, fake, self-reliant, “I can get through this,” stuff.  I’m talking about looking to God, relying completely on Him, trusting Him, BELIEVING Him, and surrendering fully to Him.  Give it ALL to God.

When God’s glory is revealed in you, He accomplishes His purposes.  Lives are changed – yours most of all.  God tells us in John 16:33, “In this world, you WILL have trouble” (emphasis mine).  But don’t miss the rest of that verse.  “Take heart! I have overcome the world.”  Keep your eyes on God.  He’s got you.  He loves you. He will get you through.  He will redeem your life.

As for me, I don’t know where God is leading me.  But I do know these things.  God loves me.  It is by God’s grace and mercy that I am standing at all.  He sent His son not only to save me with His gift of eternal life, He also saves me every…single…day.  God is ever about the business of redeeming my life.  He has a perfect plan for my life.  As God continues to lead me onward, without hesitation, I’m going to follow.

"Really Quick" Story

The "really quick" in quotes in the blog title has nothing to do with my story.  I include those words in homage to Jason Dyba, Long Hollow's media mad man. As one of his volunteer team, I am compelled to pepper my speech with those words.

But I digress.  No time for rabbit chasing if I'm truly going to be "really quick."

Wait. One more rabbit trail. I. Ran. Today. My family, who knows me very well, may have actually gasped aloud at those three words. Let me explain. I HATE to run. Truly. I've always been active, to a point, but I do not run. Walk fast Jeff Lemmonds style, yes. Run, no. I played softball from an early age until I left home for college. Loved it. But I would literally groan if I hit more than a double. Run three bases? Help us. No. And by the way, this has nothing to do with my story either, other than telling you why I found myself on this beautiful Sunday afternoon at Moss Wright Park.

Okay. I live just up the street from Moss Wright Park. As a matter of fact, my home backs up to the park. Can't get to it that way, but in the summer, from my deck I can hear the umpires and cracks of the bat from the very back ball field.

"Really quick" background. Last spring, when much of Nashville and surrounding area found itself under water or affected by flooding, my home got flooded.  On Sunday, when the dams were released, the water in my back yard rose from a few inches to four feet in about an hour.  I only say that in case you don't know this so that the rest of my "really quick" story will make sense. All is well now, but that is a whole nuther story which is an amazing God story that is not "really quick" in the slightest.

To tell you today's tale, for dramatic flair, I'm going to change tenses.  Awkward present tense, here we come. English teachers, get ready to cringe.

Here's the "really quick" story.

I am on the path that circles the park and goes by Mansker Creek in the back of the park.  As a non-runner, I am gasping and probably dying, so I stop running. I am walking, looking to my left at the nearly dry creek and across the banks. The trees are bare and I have an unobstructed view of...wow... that's my neighborhood.  No, wait.  That's my street.  (Yes, I know I said I know my house backs up to the park, but I don't always connect dots very well; it's a curse.)

In the distance, I spot my house. I can barely breathe. I glance down in front of me at gentle Mansker Creek, making happy noises as it flows. It's a few inches deep, at best.

My eye looks from the creek bed to the four foot line of my house. The height is ridiculous. How could this creek have risen to such heights?  Are you kidding me?  40 feet?  Maybe 50?  I'm a terrible judge of height, but it is an absurd distance from that creek bed to four feet up the side of my house. 

Then I remember once again, as God showed me a few months ago, as the innocent creek flows, I am barely a mile from the homes near JP2 that were literally under water.  Barely a mile from the portion of the bypass that was literally under water.  Those people lost everything.  Everything.  They barely got out in time and were thankful to be alive.  And they are oh so close to me as the crow flies.  In the summer, when the creek goes totally dry, I could jog up the creek to them. In fact, maybe I should.

I am thankful all over again that I didn't lose everything.

I think of the Israelites.  They were instructed to pile up stones as a reminder to their children that the Lord had done an amazing work. These stone of remembrance provided a reminder during hard times that God is near and active.  I've long since piled up stones of remembrance on this one, for sure. God is near, and wow, He is active. But I have often wished I had a visual for my mental pile of stones. I love a good visual.

Between where I stand in the park and my back yard, on the far bank amongst the bits of flood debris still in evidence, I see a big blue Metro trash can.  Might even be my trash can.  I have no idea whose can ended up in my yard.

Ha!  I love it.  The big blue trash can.  There's my pile of stones. I hope it stays there forever.  Today I claim that big blue trash can as my stone of remembrance. Here I raise my Ebenezer!

Thanks for taking this journey with me. God is good, God is faithful, and He is sovereign.

1 Samuel 7:12 ~ Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the LORD has helped us.”