The Hardest Year of My Life

This week, beginning with my birthday last Sunday, bookends what has absolutely been the hardest year of my life.  (I wanted to use the word unequivocally instead of absolutely, but I can’t even pronounce it).  But on the hardest year stuff…believe me, with all the ridiculous decisions I made as a young adult, there is some stiff competition for that title.  Trust me.  I’ve had other rough years.  This one tops them all.  The bad news just kept coming.  The details don’t matter – you’ve been through tough times of your own.  You know what I’m talking about.  Life.  Was.  Hard.  Many of you have been used by God to help carry me through, and I can never thank you enough.

But let’s get back to my premise and title:  The Hardest Year of My Life.  Note I said the hardest year, not the worst year.  In fact, as I reflect back on this year and all God has done in my life, I can say without hesitation, this has been the best year of my life.

How crazy is that?  How does that even make sense?

God.  Only God.  How like God to turn conventional wisdom on its ear and turn what could have been my darkest hour into something beautiful.  His Word promises that; why am I so surprised that He has shown me His Word is true? 

Let me chase a rabbit for a minute.  The crash in my life had been building for a while, but the beginning of the worst of it started this time last year, on my birthday weekend.  Birthdays…I don’t like ‘em.  Birthdays have never meant a lot to me, even as a kid.  Gifts rank zero on my love language scale.  I don’t like the attention; even now, as old as I am, being sung to over a cake is hard because everyone is staring at me.  As a child they were just another opportunity for me to be nervous and awkward at my own party.

A few years ago, I gained a new outlook for birthdays. Christian author and speaker Angela Thomas came to my church, Long Hollow Baptist, and spoke at our women’s event.  One takeaway that I had from that weekend was a new and fresh way to look at birthdays.  Angela challenged us to take that one day a year to reflect back on the previous 365 days and ask ourselves a question:  Do I look more like Jesus today than I did a year ago?

Well kids, I’ve been asking myself that question ever since.  Thankfully, every year I’ve been able to say, yes, I do look more like Jesus.  Sometimes big steps; sometimes incremental.  And while forward motion is always good, I have really craved some bigger movements toward God.  Some growth spurts, so to speak.

This past Sunday, when I asked myself the question, “Do I look more like Jesus than I did a year ago,” I smiled.  I beamed.  Yes.  I do.  This year, I made a quantum leap toward God. (Elizabeth I used the term quantum leap just for you).

This year I have been completely overwhelmed by the heart of God.  The depth and breadth of His love takes my breath away.  His mercy and grace have sustained me, provided all that I needed.  He has carried me, loved me, healed my heart, directed my paths, and oh so much more.  A year ago, I was unraveling, coming apart at the seams.  Since that time, God has restored my very life.  He has led me by quiet waters.  He sings songs over me.  He has breathed life back into me.  He has truly been the lover of my soul.  And ultimately, God has beckoned me onward. 

So.  Those two thoughts.  Best yet hardest year of my life and I’m walking closer with God than ever before.   Let’s go to God’s Word.

God has walked me through a TON of scripture this year, but this one has probably resonated with me the most, especially in recent months.

1 Peter 4:13  ~  But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed.

When we are able to keep our eyes on God, fully relying on His grace and mercy, continuing to rejoice in Him, even in the midst of hard times, God’s glory is revealed in us.  Isn’t that crazy good?  Even during the hardest year of my life, I know that I know that I know that God is not only healing me, lifting me up, loving me, providing for me, and so much more… He is also using me to advance the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  And THAT, my friends, is the source of my inexplicable joy.  THAT is the reason why this has been the best year of my life.

I don’t want my life to be about me ever, ever again.  Francis Chan put it this way:  “The point of my life is to point to God.”

I know; land the plane.  Here’s the takeaway.

How about you?  You are either going through something really hard now or you can bet something will come along soon.  I hate it, but it’s a fact.  We live in a fallen world; that’s just the way it is, kids.  The good news is that we don’t have to go through it alone, and if we surrender to Him, God will use it for His glory.

What are you going to do in your suffering?  I’m not making light of pain.  My pain is awful and I’m sure yours is too!  But what you do with it is up to you.  Are going to let God use the pain to draw you closer to Him?  Because ultimately, in addition to all He will do to heal you and redeem your life, God didn’t cause your pain, but He wants to use it to draw you and others closer to Him.

When you suffer well, trusting, focusing, and waiting on God, He not only heals your hurts, He uses it to point a lost and dying world to Himself, our healer, redeemer, our LORD.  I’m not talking about some stoic, fake, self-reliant, “I can get through this,” stuff.  I’m talking about looking to God, relying completely on Him, trusting Him, BELIEVING Him, and surrendering fully to Him.  Give it ALL to God.

When God’s glory is revealed in you, He accomplishes His purposes.  Lives are changed – yours most of all.  God tells us in John 16:33, “In this world, you WILL have trouble” (emphasis mine).  But don’t miss the rest of that verse.  “Take heart! I have overcome the world.”  Keep your eyes on God.  He’s got you.  He loves you. He will get you through.  He will redeem your life.

As for me, I don’t know where God is leading me.  But I do know these things.  God loves me.  It is by God’s grace and mercy that I am standing at all.  He sent His son not only to save me with His gift of eternal life, He also saves me every…single…day.  God is ever about the business of redeeming my life.  He has a perfect plan for my life.  As God continues to lead me onward, without hesitation, I’m going to follow.